The End of All Knowledge
I've never been one for melodrama (not strictly true), so believe me when I say my life is falling apart around me.
Following on from my embarrassing failure last night in the first round of results, something even worse happened this morning.
I was on the DLR this morning and grabbed a copy of the Metro.
For those of you who may have lived on Earth-2 for a while, let me enlighten you. The Metro is a publishing phenomenon. It is the first urban national newspaper. Metro was launched in March 1999 as a free, colour newspaper for morning commuters. At first it was only available in London, but now commuters in eight of Britain's major cities can pick up a free copy of the Metro as they travel to work in the morning. Every weekday morning some 1,006,821 copies are distributed across the UK making Metro the world's largest free newspaper and the fourth biggest newspaper in the UK.
Metro is a perfect mix of national and international news wrapped around local information - listings, travel and life - our unbeatable guide to the best in going out and entertainment. Metro's news stories are tightly written, so that the reader can take in all the key facts quickly. And Metro has no political axe to grind. Metro has looked at the lives of modern workers and gives them news and tips on travel health, fashion and the Web in our Hot Style, Health Metro, Travel Metro and @Metro sections.
Metro is distributed in London, Manchester, Birmingham, Leeds, Sheffield, Newcastle, Glasgow and Edinburgh covering a combined area with a population of more than 18 million.
The Metro was my only supply of news. And it was absolutely brilliant. So dependent was I on picking up a copy of the Metro, left by another commuter on the bus or train ready to be perused by another ratracer, for even the slightest insight into all worldly affairs that I initiated the practice of referring to it as the “source of all knowledge”, and demanding that people say “source of all knowledge” immediately after using the word Metro.
The operative word in the above paragraph is “was” .
Attracted by the banner on the front page (“The Caped Crusader’s back in yet another film. It’s dark and full of gadgets… but is it any good?”) I turned to Page 31 for Nina Caplan’s review, expecting a five-star rating and psycho-linguistic imagery of the woman “enjoying” herself at every thought of the Bat.
This was not what happened. Over the course of the next few days I will be taking the review apart word-by-word to show to the world (Sam) how flawed it is.
In the meantime, the Metro is now the “source of no knowledge”. Please use this title every time you have to use the M-Word
Following on from my embarrassing failure last night in the first round of results, something even worse happened this morning.
I was on the DLR this morning and grabbed a copy of the Metro.
For those of you who may have lived on Earth-2 for a while, let me enlighten you. The Metro is a publishing phenomenon. It is the first urban national newspaper. Metro was launched in March 1999 as a free, colour newspaper for morning commuters. At first it was only available in London, but now commuters in eight of Britain's major cities can pick up a free copy of the Metro as they travel to work in the morning. Every weekday morning some 1,006,821 copies are distributed across the UK making Metro the world's largest free newspaper and the fourth biggest newspaper in the UK.
Metro is a perfect mix of national and international news wrapped around local information - listings, travel and life - our unbeatable guide to the best in going out and entertainment. Metro's news stories are tightly written, so that the reader can take in all the key facts quickly. And Metro has no political axe to grind. Metro has looked at the lives of modern workers and gives them news and tips on travel health, fashion and the Web in our Hot Style, Health Metro, Travel Metro and @Metro sections.
Metro is distributed in London, Manchester, Birmingham, Leeds, Sheffield, Newcastle, Glasgow and Edinburgh covering a combined area with a population of more than 18 million.
The Metro was my only supply of news. And it was absolutely brilliant. So dependent was I on picking up a copy of the Metro, left by another commuter on the bus or train ready to be perused by another ratracer, for even the slightest insight into all worldly affairs that I initiated the practice of referring to it as the “source of all knowledge”, and demanding that people say “source of all knowledge” immediately after using the word Metro.
The operative word in the above paragraph is “was” .
Attracted by the banner on the front page (“The Caped Crusader’s back in yet another film. It’s dark and full of gadgets… but is it any good?”) I turned to Page 31 for Nina Caplan’s review, expecting a five-star rating and psycho-linguistic imagery of the woman “enjoying” herself at every thought of the Bat.
This was not what happened. Over the course of the next few days I will be taking the review apart word-by-word to show to the world (Sam) how flawed it is.
In the meantime, the Metro is now the “source of no knowledge”. Please use this title every time you have to use the M-Word
posted by Bat-Mac at 12:25:00 pm
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